A Small Curse Of Love




2010, February 13:
One is my cousin. She was beautiful & cute. The other one is my classmate. She was cute & beautiful. They both loved me. I knew it. But the problem is not them, nor their love. It's me, myself. Unable to choose between them. I can't choose both and can't deny both. I just wanted one of them. And I'm pretty sure that they are total strangers to each other.
No reason to discard anyone of them. One is brilliant, and the other is intelligent. Once my classmate took whole blame behalf of me and saved me from possible insult in front of  class and lecturer. Couple of days later, my cousin too saved me in similar manner from relatives. I was dumbstruck by two consecutive, yet identical incidents. Because if any one of the two incident had been taken place, then my further move could've been quiet simple. But life & love are not simple, they have habit of  becoming complex. They both sacrificed for me, saved me.
It is not that only they helped me and I kept on enjoying their hand. I too crashed & crossed many hurdles for them. I too lent my hand in their support. Unfortunately, they always asked my help at different instances of time. Those time instances never had any intersections.
So yesterday, February 12. Parents away from home. I was thinking about them, the two girls. Suddenly a flash struck into my head. The idea. It was very cruel idea, but everything is fair in love. Tomorrow, February 14, Valentine's Day, more beautifully it's Sunday. I phoned them both and told that I want to have a talk in my home. They don't know that they are not the only one who being invited. Okay. My core still shouting me to step back. But I'm not in the position to move back.
To be clearer, my idea was, whoever comes first will come along with me as long as I live. The one who comes afterwards will see me with the first girl and will leave the place heartbroken and will never forgive me. But if they reach in time together, then I will end up in losing both. That's my risk factor which I have to pay. It's unjust. But.... sorry....

2010 February 14: Morning 7:30.
I woke up hearing door bell. I'm feeling excited. Curious to know who it is. But my heart is saying "don't be in cloud nine, it's not the girl you want". What is this? So, for the answer I opened the door. Yeah, heart is true. It's not the girl I want. It's house maid, who comes daily for household chores. I sent her back. I finished the everyday karma, and wore red shirt and eased myself on couch.
Morning 9:00.
Finally, door bell started ringing. This times my heart saying "Go on kid, it's her". Yeah I know. I can hear my heart beat. I can sense my adrenalin rush. Breathe becoming heavy. Honestly I'm shivering. My trembling hand moving towards the door. I opened it, very slowly. Oh god, I'm seeing the girl with red dress, It's her.  

How To Convince People That You Have A Life

 
  Look, let's cut the crap here. I've met you as a shivering, sniveling blob of goo with a toffee-like consistency and through a few blog posts and far too many great hugs have turned you into a successful, athletic, seductive, socially awareharassment free individual (who can write quite well). Armed with so much skill I suspect that you plunged straight into the act of wild and unbridled artistic creation.

However, sometimes you'll find that plummeting head first into endeavors will leave you alone and confused. When you venture out of your hovel on occasion, you find that people have started to speak in strange tongues and perform unusual ritualistic equestrian themed dances. The women have become more attractive. The men, have not. In this new mold of your existence with some things added and many thrown out you'll find yourself without what the cool kids are calling "a life". This bothers you because you have not yet reached a self-aware ninja status. I don't blame you for that because, I haven't written a blog post about how. Soon.

It's not as if I don't have a life either and I'm writing this as some sort of therapeutic experience, but it just so happens that I'm in a position to tell you what to do to show the world that you're living it up and being relaxed and groovy all over the place. Since writing list based articles will cause you to be greeted with a condescending 'Oh, I see..." by the writer folk, I have written this as a list based article using bullet points instead of numbers. I tremble with glee at this loophole. "What list is a list without numbers?" I demand, cheekily. You may observe this mutant non-list below:


  • Social Networking is your friend : To truly be a person who is outgoing and social, you must be online, glued to a social networking website at all times. This means sharing things on Facebook and whatever it is that people do on twitter (which I think is talking without listening, but refined to an art). However quiet your real(?) social experience is is exactly how loud you need to be on an online social network. The best part about this is none of what you share needs to be true at all. Maybe now is the time to make a quick trip to Thailand?  
  • Associate with aspiring photographers : I am given to believe that photographers love to take black and white pictures of things from very close or very far away, and all the best photographs have subjects that are old and dirty. If you're willing to get old and dirty then this should be no problem as you will be quickly surrounded by slightly professional photographers in silly sleeveless vests. If you aren't, however, then you will mostly be around the amateur photographer crowd( 2014 has better cameras) and you will have many a picture taken during the period of your association with them. Ask for a per-Photoshopped copy of these photos and release them on Facebook in small chunks to maintain a steady stream of photo activity.
  • You are super busy right now : Once in a while, some unfortunate soul will insist on inviting you to gyrate to the remastered remix of the remix of the song based on the looped ten second sample of an actual song recorded in 1956 by someone with talent. You could go of course, but you're enjoying the state of ineffective homeostasis that you've created at home, which is thinking about doing something amazing, and not doing it. Going out will make it even less likely that you get around to doing the thing that you have planned to do but are absolutely not going to do, and this is something you'd like to avoid. This is where you being to insist that you would have come if you weren't busy. Use the words "so" and "totally" multiple times for efficacy and realism. 
  • Lie : This will come in handy when you do have to speak to people. They will ask you what you are up to, as this is the default thing that people ask in any situation. You will find that this is a horrifying question for someone with no life, and you are not content by saying "oh, you know...uh" dreamily. In this case you can just lie. Mention that during your daily sensitive meditation and quiet reflection hour, you had an epiphany about your purpose in life, and you can't really talk about it because it's very raw. You can also tell a lie that is so obviously a lie that it couldn't possibly be a lie. You could be composing songs for rock stars or a secret identity one blonde wig away from being a rock star. The sky is the limit.
  • Write blog posts : Write blog posts that dispense expert advice on how to do a host of things that you have no idea about. This will cast the impression that you have done all the things that you speak of, and thus must have a very eventful life. If you are unsure of what advice or solutions to offer, you will find all that and much more in the pages of Archie Comics.
If you're confused and slightly itchy, I don't blame you. This is a lot to take in. Now tell the world that you're confused and slightly itchy because of all the tonnes and tonnes of reading you've been doing of late, and return to vacantly staring at pictures of cats.
Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

P.S. Some people have sidled up to me in public places and said that they believe that most of these blog posts I write are ploys to attract women. I'd like to dispel this notion by stating the fact that everything I ever do at any time is a ploy to attract women.

I'm glad that we've got that out of the way.

Lost stories.

   It will be actually about two  century after the real incident took place. First believe me or don’t believe me at all . Hello,I am Shiva my age is 61,well mathematically  a big error in that figure. I was born at 1784 in Kudla commonly known as Mangalore now. Our family were farmers ,we did much to live life to the minimum than to achieve something in life . As I was growing up I realised that I would be a farmer as well like my father and my other brothers . Which I did not like ,I wanted to be something other than a farmer . I was working in the field from  6 years ,each day was getting  longer than the previous day . But it could be even worse.
   Now when I was 12 as usual I was working at the field ,I got into an argument with my brother over some assigned to my brothers as they put it on my shoulders . Our father was a tough man he wanted everyone to respect elders . He hit me very hard for arguing with my brothers . I don’t know may be out of frustration I was sick of all this thing I ran far away as I could away from my family for the first time and the last time .
   It was about half an hour later I realized that I came to far and I realized that I was near the forest . Some called it was filled with leopards and poisonous snakes ,but there was some force that pulled me towards that forest , the force of temptation and the damned. I went inside the forest ,it was quite to my surprise . It was filled with tall trees and thick vegetation ,I crawled  like the shadow through the wild .There was a strange light coming from somewhere I moved near it but it went far but it disappeared ,I am not kidding, as it was from eternity.Now I came to reality I wanted to go home,I was afraid this time as it was getting dark and I was in middle of nowhere .

  I tried to go back home as I felt lonely and lost.It was getting dark now and however I managed to come out of this thick vegetation.But unfortunately I was lost again ,I saw a new world which I newer knew or even imagined .I thought maybe I came to some kind of town so I went on forward to ask help from some elders over there .But undoubtedly the scene over there was very different ,the air was thick filled with some kind of smoke or something the place was to crowded which I didn’t see in any of the market place so far in my life ,the street was filled with vendors selling food,flower and some fancy dresses which was comical for me,the shops where different here it was well presented and they wrote symbols over the shop maybe to greet people to the shop  .The people here used some kind of automatically moving machines but I thought it was impossible,all my life I thought we could travel through bullock cart.
   I was unnoticed by everyone on the street at the end of the ally I saw some guy collecting trash or something .I thought he could spare a minute for me so I went and told who I was ,but unfortunately he didn’t know my family (his accent was very strange),I asked where is this place ,he said Hampankatta, Mangalore (trade point in Mangalore )which I didn’t hear of ,I said I was lost so he took me to a temple I slept there for this  night but I was truly I missed my mother and my family.Morning at 5:00 there where some people with tuft paying respect to the got I went there to pray and hope to find my parents.I asked the priest about my story and asked if they could help me.They where  surprised about the forest part in it as they never heard about so dense a forest nearby .At afternoon they where free I took them to place where forest was ,but I  was baffled to see there were houses and streets with the strange vehicles.’I was lost but never lost ‘I told myself and started weeping so hard .They would never believe my story again as there was no forest from where I came from. So I told them later that I was lying as I was lost and didn’t know where I was from or who my parents where .
    They took me to an orphanage ,the ‘sisters’(as they call themself)  took care of me for 6 years by the the way they made me study all the stuffs which I never thought of  or dreamt of still I thought that I would reach my parents somehow .By the the way I learned some science and languages.I was dressed well by them and fed enough ,I came to know I was at 1988 when I was 15.At 16 I came to know who Gandhi (I have no clue why they fought for freedom)was and where Mangalore was really.Am I really missing something ,yes obviously some good math and reasoning which I came to know at 17 .I was at the future or somewhere but I didn’t believe in it ,but I knew I was lost for ever .So it could not be mistake as we where ruled by Mysore(Hyder Ali) when my father was young .Then the British took the place till 1794 ,I was 10 then my father told stories that Tippu Sultan son of Hyder Ali reclaimed his territory again.So I was born at 1784 for sure.I was at the future!!
  Knowing the truth that I was at the future was very bitter for me knowing that I will never see my parents and more over I felt the burden of guiltiness for leaving them and the loneliness knowing that my parents were still alive in their time.But when I was 18 I moved out of the orphanage and I didn’t stop trying to find my parents somehow through that forest.I did some part time job in some shops,after some time I started staying in rented house,all these events motivated me to learn more about the theory about time and other sciences .I started to work over night and earn lots of money ,I took new books to read and by 2 years I had enough money to do my degree (I quickly adapted to this world) along with my job as night watch man. The quest for knowledge took me to new level .After i got the degree I got a seat in IISc as I got the chance to do research in the field of quantum mechanics(I have several research paper in my name,and Doctorate ).
  I met Geetha at Bangalore ,we married and now have a son (She ok with the fact that I didn’t have any family,I never told her my story ).All these years I succeeded in life as a man,I was motivated because I knew that we could travel in time by my experience ,but the man know so little .As a child when I told this story I was mad ,what if I told the same story now ,well people are so afraid of change that they will call me a mad scientist.Isn’t it worth knowing the truth or is it not,I failed in finding the theory to travel to future till now who knows I could get it right someday or some other guy would find it out.I would go to the same place where there was a forest hoping to find the way to home ,the light from eternity,Each day I remember my mom there is a pain in my mind that I will never get her back,I would never work in the field,there was no one to teach values like my father.
  I wonder whether this time is not a string of events that happens randomly which we call our experience.But I think time is packets of instances which is one of many  probabilities that might happen. Only one instances could happen at a time .Maybe I got a wrong instance in between the actual instance that should have happened.Well I am lost now.I don’t know if its real ,maybe this is only there in my head,am I having a long nightmare,or time is in our head which takes control of our actions.I don’t know.By the way if you believe me what is your thought.Or is there any one who is of my kind.
Yours as usual Truly,
Shiva(At 2039 because time is important).